What to do?

Oh man..

these past few days. even weeks. have been extremely stressful and I honestly do not know what to do. I am confused beyond belief.

First, I feel like I need space. from everyone. like Im being smothered by my family and other people. my relationships in my life are not strong at all. and its hard. especially with me leaving in about 18 days. like what am I supposed to do? becuase I cannot handle this in college. no way.

jeremy and I arent doing so good. I think we are just on different pages and lately its been really effecting us and our relationship. I feel somewhat scared I guess..idk. we are honestly wanting different things and its not working out. and I tried to tell him that and he doesnt get it. like tonight I called him after we are on out "break" and he acted like a total douche to me. why? i was the one who worked up the courage to call you. to fix this. to talk to you. to make some kinda communication. and you shot me down like that? thats not okay. i have a very negative htought process with this sometimes. I dont know why... I think that has something to do with my ED. everything since then has changed. i am different. my relationships were different. Robert and I were perfect and everyone since then has just dissappointed me. why is that? are my standards just too high? what is going on with me. I feel like I battle myself everyday. I feel like I am not the same. I hope that going ot college will change me. and I can become myself again. please. I want it all back. my whole happy life.

Things need to change. and I need to stop dragging jeremy along. he is a great guy and doesnt deserve this. he deserves to be treated a lot nicer than this. and thats what hes gonna get.

unless we can work this all out, I think its time...

uhh why is life so hard.

i just need a good cry. every once in awhile its helpful. I will be ok. I will get through this. I deserve the best in life. I deserve life.

With Love